Hilarious Mark Ultra VIII E-Meter Testimonials

Some hilarious yet sad testimonials for the Mark Ultra VIII E-Meter I received via email today from Bridge Publications. “Tears of relief” and “a new best friend”??? Give me a freaking break, what a bunch of dopey deluded dimwits. But I suppose you have to believe it’s a huge technical improvement when you just coughed up $10,000 for the privilege of owning a pair of meters (yeah, you gotta buy 2 per “the tech”) that only cost about $20 to manufacture and have been sitting in a warehouse for a decade. Wait until they find out about that peachy keen remote kill switch when they get out of line or don’t donate enough to COB’s pet causes. 😉


“I’ve been using the new meter on New OT VII for a week now. I love it! As for my TA, I need less lotion, less heat. The meter seems to not read as much body motion. The cans are lighter and easier to hold. They don’t even need to be warmed, as they warm up in my hands in a couple of seconds. The reads are the best. They are so clear they really cannot be missed. Instant is instant. F/Ns are F/Ns. No Q and A, no ‘was it or wasn’t it?’ I’ve had some of my best sessions ever since using the Mark Ultra VIII—snap and pop, just like they are supposed to be. I love the displays on the meter. Since I am Solo auditing, I can keep my eye on the needle and the TA at the same time, without shifting my eyes. It is easier for me to keep the admin since I don’t have to look down for the TA position. I can be watching the needle while I write down the TA position on my worksheets. I feel like I have a new best friend while I audit.” —J.M.


“I’m having great wins in drilling with the Mark Ultra VIII. It’s amazing! The needle is so much more responsive and there is no interference. ‘Loose needle’ and ‘wet hands’ are no longer a problem. My needle is clean and on the dial comfortably. Yesterday I cried tears of relief! I feel in control with attention only on what I’m supposed to be doing.” —C.M.


“I am definitely noticing differences on this new Solo Course. Thanks to the new E-Meter drills recorder and materials and the direction from the supervisors, I am handling some confusions and false data which previously were completely below my level of awareness. Now we can really make it!” —A.T.


“The Mark Ultra VIII is a superior meter. It’s hard to explain, but the first thing I noticed was a sort of silence or calmness while using the Mark Ultra VIII. I have no attention whatsoever on the meter when auditing.

“The promo talks about how much clearer the reads are. I am not an engineer, but there is no mistaking that these reads are notably clear. I have total certainty with this meter, and as a result I can just concentrate on what tech I need to apply.” —S.M.


“This new meter is phenomenal and is making a huge difference. It is very clear on reads and F/Ns. It filters out interference I didn’t even know was there, such as from body motion ‘aftershocks.’ I can audit A to B with it. It is amazing!” —M.G.


“Doing the new E-Meter drills with the new Mark Ultra VIII and the drills recorder gave me a new, higher level of certainty. The new meter is so responsive—amazing! Everyone needs to be trained on this new meter.” —Q.C.


“Using the new Mark Ultra VIII is definitely a different experience. The reads are undoubtedly clearer and easier to recognize, and when you encounter body motion the metering is far easier than it used to be! To move on the new checksheet using the drills recorder and all these new materials is pure pleasure! I am uptone, eager to move on my checksheet, and I’m really progressing. My metering is more and more precise and I am more and more confident! What a wonderful gift.” —F.C.

6 responses to “Hilarious Mark Ultra VIII E-Meter Testimonials

  1. Do we get a moving image of a hypnotist spiral while we read the propaganda about the new E-Meter so we too can give out waxing enthusiastic success stories too?

    That is, after we give the CO$ $5,000, give our new (old) meter back that we never used …

    then wait to have it shipped to us…

    only to find out it is corroded and does not work…

    because it has been sitting in a warehouse for 10 years (hidden from our knowingness) ..

    .only to have to ship it back before we get a replacement

    Of course, we will be VGI’s to find out we will have to pay for the shipping both ways because, after all, we are responsible!!

    • The hypnotic spiral is an excellent idea! It has been passed on to Gold so they can build one to mount above COB’s head when he emcees events. Your ethics commendation is in the mail.

    • I placed for Sale our E-meters and OSA.DSA/EO/MAA contacted us immediately. We were told we could not sell them because we had signed a contract when we purchased them (in 20080.
      Furthermore, it was a high crime.

      Oh my….a high crime to sell our stuff? WTF?

      Well, we were out but under the radar – going to a few events a year and leaving before the Crush Regging started at each event. We tried to keep the “show on the road” so we did not lose our friends.

      We felt the straw that broke the camels back was that our “church” that promised us freedom and human rights…was telling us we were not allowed to sell an item we paid for.

      Then we LOOKED and went CLEAR! We spent days on the internet and could not believe how we had been betrayed, lied to and defrauded.

      We were done.

      We told the OSA/DSA/EO/MAA that it was too late – we had already sold the meters to a Mission called “Milestone Two”.

      We told her that they were very VGI’s about the purchase and that it was so THETA to get them at such a bargain and that one of the people in the Mission knew how to “calibrate” the meters *WE HAD FOUR* so no worries.

      They wanted us to come into the Org for a query…and we said we would call back and schedule an appointment.

      Oh – then we helped our friends get out!

      Now that is planetary clearing of Scientology Missions and Orgs to make the reality of Suppressing Scientology Straight up and Vertically EPIC.


  2. But, but Idle Morgue these meters are absolutely slappy friggin out of this world. Both my meters work exactly the same. I turn em on, insert the leads, assess the item COB and voila! Both the meters Rock slam so hard it is totally awesome they are total agreement that COB is completely straight up and vertical R/S evil. Don’t be afraid of these things they are the best truth tellers yet!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. When I first saw the testimonial, “a new best friend,” I wondered where he or she had put the cans. 😉

  4. Nice article. nice meter.. )) but it is last century..
    Watch a brand new Mark Mega Ultra 1000 iMeter.. ))

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