Tag Archives: celebrities

Scientology Churches To Hold Ideal Orgy Fundraisers

Ideal Orgy

Dedicated Scientologists Moving Up In Status At A Recent Ideal Orgy!

In an effort to reverse shrinking attendance to Ideal Org fundraising events Chairman of the Board RTC has announced that all orgs are to commence holding Ideal Orgies to raise money for Ideal Orgs. Under this exciting new program those who donate sufficient amounts of money will be allowed to engage in sex acts with a staff member of their choice and even celebrity Scientologists when they are in attendance! Your status level will dictate which sex act you can engage in – all the way from “feel my finger” to “facials” and full-blown vaginal and anal sex. And as it should be expected sex with celebrity and VIP Scientologists will cost extra with pricing set on a tiered donation level based on the celeb/VIP’s popularity. For example, to get a blowjob from Jenna Elfman, Jason Dohring or Erika Christensen would cost approximately $100,000 while one would actually get paid to fuck Kirstie Alley (sorry Kirstie but your habit of eating roast lemur and sardine sandwiches during sex kinda kills it for most folks).

Orange County got the ball (or balls if you will) rolling with their recent “You Suck Cocks on Hollywood Blvd.” fundraiser as you can see in the above photo. But the other orgs with fundraising to complete won’t be outdone by OC, oh no sirree. Here are just a few of the upcoming Ideal Orgy events:

  • Atlanta Org – “Atlanta Is Burning And So Is My Snatch”
  • Chicago Org – “Get Blown In The Windy City”
  • Boston Org – “Get A Face Full Of Clam Chowdah For Ron”
  • Munich Org – “Munching Cocks and Pussy In Munich”
  • Salt Lake City Org – “Let’s All Get 1.1 For L. Ron!”
  • Austin Org – “Get Your Cock Smoked At Our Rooster BBQ!”
  • Kansas City Org – “Hump Around Like A Bunch Of Kansas City Faggots For LRH”
  • Albuquerque Org – “I’ll Be Quirky When Getting My Freak On In Albuquerque”
  • St. Louis Org – “Getting Screwy In St. Louie”

Here are just a few of the success stories from recent Ideal Orgies:

“I took responsibility for my 4th dynamic and got my cock sucked by that cute receptionist at my org at the same time. How awesome is that? COB has outdone himself with brilliance!!!”

“I went fully exterior while I was straight up and vertical in the HAS!”

“I blew my wad and a huge chunk of case! Thank you COB!!!!!!!!!!”

“I got cornholed with an e-meter can by my favorite PC! So much tonearm action!”

“I was overjoyed to learn that COB will watch every Ideal Orgy video – it made everything hotter by a magnitude of 1000% for me. It is truly thrilling to think that COB will masturbate furiously while watching me give it good and hard to my org’s ethics officer in the ass!”

There are a few things to be aware of with this exciting new program. COB has issued strict orders that staff who refuse to participate will be sent to the RPF for a minimum of 5 years! Also note that underage staff members will be issued fake IDs to ensure that they can also contribute to the motion of the fundraising – after all they are timeless thetans inhabiting young bodies and should not be denied the opportunity to contribute to this important cause because of stupid wog laws. Additionally all Ideal Orgies will be filmed in ClearVideo hi-def for COB’s viewing pleasure so do your best to give a good performance for our leader.

Now let’s move up in status and “rock out with our cocks out” for COB and LRH!

diffiCult to leave – A Brilliant Musical Account of Leaving Scientology

The immensely talented Roslyn Cohn has created a brilliantly insightful, hilarious, highly entertaining and poignant (seriously it’s so good I can’t come up with enough appropriately complimentary descriptive adjectives) musical account of her time in the Church of Scientology. Check it out and if you enjoy it (and trust me you will unless you’re a die-hard cultie) share the Youtube link and send her some love on Twitter.

FLAG Releases Revolutionary New Rundown

The Scientology Big Being Rundown

FLAG – the mecca of technical misdirection and vulture-culture regging – is proud to announce the availability of a brand new FLAG-only rundown – The Big Being Rundown. This incredibly powerful Scientology rundown utilizes tech far more advanced than even the hallowed OT levels or L rundowns. Yet it can be run at any point on the bridge – from purif completion to OT VIII. It precisely handles the one aberration that keeps any thetan from becoming a “big being” that can fully exert his 1,000,000 mega-watt OT power!

This life-changing rundown contains a single singularly powerful OT-grade process created by our most senior technical terminal – Mr. David Miscavige, Captain of the Sea Org and Chairman of the Board RTC. The process consists of running the command “Donate $10,000 to the IAS” repetitively to end phenomena. The product of this amazing rundown is a pc who has flowed enough money (as determined by the C/S) to become a “big being” that can now join the ranks of other mega-powered “big beings” such as COB and Tom Cruise*.

Rave reviews continue to pour in:

Man this rundown is the freaking bomb-diggety as the hip youngsters say! After running 120 commands I finally EP’d and achieved this wondrous state. My space has expanded, my dynamics are expanding like never before and I’m no longer terrified of clowns. Thanks to COB for this life-changing tech! B.C.

This rundown has completely changed my life! Prior to this auditing my social life consisted of boring get-togethers with Class V org staff and the like. Now I’m hobnobbing with the pillars of high society and A-list celebs like Kirstie Alley and that guy who does org events and the unfunny commercials – oh yeah, Jim Meskimen! I totally duplicate COB’s viewpoint 100% now about how one must never associate with inferiors as they bring you downscale! J.M.

I am so blown out of my head! I’m literally so exterior that I’m controlling my body from another galaxy! And the really cool part is all of the other big beings are there too. We’re all just chilling in the theta universe with no degraded beings around to tarnish our theta luster. It’s awesome being one of the truly elite! K.P.

Take note that some people have falsely claimed to be “natural” big beings. Senior technical terminals have determined beyond any doubt that COB, Tom Cruise and LRH are the only thetans on this planet to fit this description.

This incredible technical breakthrough truly brings world clearing within reach in our lifetime! Call your FLAG rep and get scheduled today!

*Joining ranks of COB and Tom Cruise only occurs once per year when they’re slumming with downstat riff-raff on the Failwinds during Tom’s birthday.

Scientology Celebrities & Human Rights Blog is No More

I’m sad that this is my first post on this blog as I intended to launch it with something funny but it is what it is. The ever intriguing Scientology Celebrities & Human Rights blog appears to be a thing of the past. All posts were deleted and their twitter account @scientologyweb is dead as well. I guess CCI ethics got to those guys. I’m sure going to miss it as they consistently posted intriguing stuff.

However on a positive note Black Rob from WWP had the foresight to backup the blog so we at least have the existing content for posterity and reference. The backup of scientologycelebrity.wordpress.com is at blackrob.5gbfree.com