In an effort to reverse shrinking attendance to Ideal Org fundraising events Chairman of the Board RTC has announced that all orgs are to commence holding Ideal Orgies to raise money for Ideal Orgs. Under this exciting new program those who donate sufficient amounts of money will be allowed to engage in sex acts with a staff member of their choice and even celebrity Scientologists when they are in attendance! Your status level will dictate which sex act you can engage in – all the way from “feel my finger” to “facials” and full-blown vaginal and anal sex. And as it should be expected sex with celebrity and VIP Scientologists will cost extra with pricing set on a tiered donation level based on the celeb/VIP’s popularity. For example, to get a blowjob from Jenna Elfman, Jason Dohring or Erika Christensen would cost approximately $100,000 while one would actually get paid to fuck Kirstie Alley (sorry Kirstie but your habit of eating roast lemur and sardine sandwiches during sex kinda kills it for most folks).
Orange County got the ball (or balls if you will) rolling with their recent “You Suck Cocks on Hollywood Blvd.” fundraiser as you can see in the above photo. But the other orgs with fundraising to complete won’t be outdone by OC, oh no sirree. Here are just a few of the upcoming Ideal Orgy events:
- Atlanta Org – “Atlanta Is Burning And So Is My Snatch”
- Chicago Org – “Get Blown In The Windy City”
- Boston Org – “Get A Face Full Of Clam Chowdah For Ron”
- Munich Org – “Munching Cocks and Pussy In Munich”
- Salt Lake City Org – “Let’s All Get 1.1 For L. Ron!”
- Austin Org – “Get Your Cock Smoked At Our Rooster BBQ!”
- Kansas City Org – “Hump Around Like A Bunch Of Kansas City Faggots For LRH”
- Albuquerque Org – “I’ll Be Quirky When Getting My Freak On In Albuquerque”
- St. Louis Org – “Getting Screwy In St. Louie”
Here are just a few of the success stories from recent Ideal Orgies:
“I took responsibility for my 4th dynamic and got my cock sucked by that cute receptionist at my org at the same time. How awesome is that? COB has outdone himself with brilliance!!!”
“I went fully exterior while I was straight up and vertical in the HAS!”
“I blew my wad and a huge chunk of case! Thank you COB!!!!!!!!!!”
“I got cornholed with an e-meter can by my favorite PC! So much tonearm action!”
“I was overjoyed to learn that COB will watch every Ideal Orgy video – it made everything hotter by a magnitude of 1000% for me. It is truly thrilling to think that COB will masturbate furiously while watching me give it good and hard to my org’s ethics officer in the ass!”
There are a few things to be aware of with this exciting new program. COB has issued strict orders that staff who refuse to participate will be sent to the RPF for a minimum of 5 years! Also note that underage staff members will be issued fake IDs to ensure that they can also contribute to the motion of the fundraising – after all they are timeless thetans inhabiting young bodies and should not be denied the opportunity to contribute to this important cause because of stupid wog laws. Additionally all Ideal Orgies will be filmed in ClearVideo hi-def for COB’s viewing pleasure so do your best to give a good performance for our leader.
Now let’s move up in status and “rock out with our cocks out” for COB and LRH!