Tag Archives: FLAG

Why Stay At The Fort Harrison While In Clearwater?

There are many very good reasons to stay at the Fort Harrison while auditing and training at FLAG. Here are but just a few:

  • Clearwater motels are notorious for being infested with fleas, cockroaches and rats. They’re also overrun with prostitutes, drug addicts and other assorted degraded beings.
  • Guests of the Fort Harrison enjoy 47% fewer sec-checks during their stay compared to CICS (counter-intentioned cocksuckers) who suppressively deprive our church of much-needed funds by staying at competing hotels or with “friends”. You would do well to remember that no true friend would hurt your church by helping you save money that rightfully belongs to us!
  • Food from the Fort Harrison’s restaurants is of much higher quality than anything else you’ll find in Clearwater. As a matter of fact non-Scientology restaurants in Clearwater are well known for allowing workers to urinate and defecate in their patron’s food for the “lulz.”
  • At the Fort Harrison you’ll be provided with your own personal registrar who will be by your side 24 hours a day. You’ll enjoy late-night chats and high ARC with your new best friend while flowing money toward future courses, auditing and 4th dynamic campaigns!
  • All rooms feature soothing sound conditioners specially engineered to drown out the tortured screams of RPFers in the basement.
  • Stay in the luxurious Lisa McPherson suite – named for the beloved Scientologist who was tragically murdered by German government psychiatrists working with Marcabian spies in a diabolical plot to defame our ecclesiastical leader Chairman of the Board Mr. David Miscavige!
  • Those staying in the ultra-exclusive $1,000,000 per week penthouse suite have the rare privilege of sharing a bathroom with Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige!!!
  • Enjoy quality programming on Fort Harrison’s inhouse cable channel such as recent international events, exciting Dianetics seminars and top quality movies such as Cocktail, Staying Alive and Look Who’s Talking!
  • Let’s face it – after a long exhausting day of running around a pole on the Cause Resurgence rundown do you really want to drive across town to a cheap motel surrounded by dangerous homeless people? We didn’t think so.
  • No mysterious deaths since 1995!!!

Ask COB – Mar 10 2015

David MiscavigeJoin us here each week (or month depending on how many lawsuits or recent documentaries we’re fighting) as COB takes a few minutes out of his incredibly hectic schedule (which typically consists of handling all of the Hill 10 flapping flaps his juniors created because they’re a bunch of incompetent c**ksucking DBs) to answer your questions about life, business and your bridge progress. To submit a question to his most holy and ecclesiastical sourciness please leave a comment below or tweet it to @Scientology_411.

Dear COB: A friend of mine recently completed the Cause Resurgence Rundown at FLAG and said that it just consisted of running around in a circle for days on end. Given that LRH smoked 6 packs a day and probably would have collapsed after one lap don’t you find this rundown a bit curious sir?

Well first I need to know your friend’s name so I can declare them SP for leaking this confidential data! And I’ll have you know that LRH did complete this rundown to its full EP but he did it as a fully exterior OT. He ran around an undisclosed planet while his body consumed rich, refreshing Kool cigarettes for energy. Any more questions smartass?!?

Dear COB: Where the hell is OTIX and X sir? We’ve been waiting for over 25 years now!!!

Why you backflashing CICS SP!!! How dare you question me with that tone! If you had bothered to pay attention to any of my recent briefings instead of spending your evenings sucking cocks on Hollywood Blvd like a theetie-weetie dilettante you’d know that OT IX and X will be released when each org is Fully Ideal, Saint Hill Size, has a 1,000-strong OT committee, and has $10,000,000 in reserve cash. Until then your precious OT IX and X will remain locked in my nightstand!!!

Dear COB: My wife and I have fallen out of ARC with each other lately and I’m not sure what to do. What would you recommend sir? Should we do marriage counseling or visit the ethics officer?

Move up in status! The underlying cause of your marriage difficulties is the fact that your wife does not respect you. That can be quickly remedied by increasing your ideal org and IAS status by a magnitude of legendary proportions. And make sure you move up to a status that awards you with a huge trophy – bitches love trophies!

Chill E.B. Honeymoons in Scientology Sauna

File this one under all-time romantic getaways. Chill E.B. recently got married and subsequently completed the purification rundown at Flag with his new bride. The newlyweds spent their honeymoon sweating out toxins and other entheta nasties – no BTs though as that comes later. Paints a lovely picture doesn’t it? Lovingly feeding each other horse-sized doses of niacin while sipping calmag from champagne flutes. On to the survival rundown you crazy lovebirds!

Chill E.B. completes purification rundown


Scientology Takes Over Volunteer Awards – Gives Most Awards To Scientologists

I was scanning the Scientology-related news headlines yesterday when I saw that FLAG had put out a PRWeb press release about holding a volunteer recognition awards event at the Fort Harrison (where Lisa McPherson tragically died under very suspicious circumstances in 1995). Normally I don’t pay these things much attention as they’re usually vacuous affairs but this time I just happened to take a closer look.

On Memorial Day May 26, the Church of Scientology Flag Service Organization hosted its second annual Volunteer Recognition Awards Event at the Fort Harrison in Downtown Clearwater.

Fifteen groups and individuals received the President’s (U.S.) Volunteer Service Awards which was instituted by the President’s Council on Service and Civic Participation as a way to thank and honor Americans for their volunteer service.

However this was the part that really caught my eye:

“This was the first year that the Church of Scientology Flag Service Organization became a certifying organization for these awards.”

I decided to take a closer look at the recipients of these awards. Surely the cult wouldn’t just give most of them out to Scientologists and Scientology affiliated groups right? Wrong.

From the press release with added notes and links in bold:

The award winners were:

  • Criminon Florida (Scientology front group), a non-profit organization whose primary goal is the rehabilitation of the criminal;
  • The Clearwater Community Volunteers (CCV) (Scientology front group – info here and here): For their hundreds of hours fundraising for, organizing and carrying out Clearwater’s own Easter Egg Hunt and Winter Wonderland;
  • The Clearwater Martin Luther King Neighborhood Coalition (Scientology front group), a diverse group of citizens who saved the Clearwater MLK Community Center from demolition;
  • The Community Learning Center (Most likely a Scientology front group, why else would they promote a Scientology Finance Seminar with OTVIII Scientologist Drew Johnston?), whose tutors helped some 360 students to reach their academic goals;
  • The East Coast Golden Age Theater (Most likely a bunch of Scientologists, their performances seem to typically be held at Scientology facilities and besides, who else would touch a story written by L. Ron Hubbard?), whose actors provide free performances for the community, schools, and senior citizens, encouraging and inspiring a love of reading in young audiences;
  • The Foundation for a Drug Free World Florida (Scientology front group) for educating thousands on the Truth About Drugs through their materials, seminars and other events;
  • The Stop the Violence Coalition, St. Petersburg that is helping to reduce crime in high-risk neighborhoods;
  • The Way to Happiness Coalition of Florida (Scientology front group) that provides character building education to thousands in Tampa Bay;
  • The Washburn Academy Volunteer Youth Core (Scientology “Applied Scholastics” school) for their work with Feeding the Hungry Tampa Bay, providing filled backpacks for children and being all-around volunteers for many different organizations;
  • Youth for Human Rights Florida (Scientology front group created to deflect attention from the cult’s own human rights violations), whose volunteers distributed human rights materials but have been canvassing legislators to create legislation which will allow the teaching of the Human Rights Declaration in schools;
  • The volunteers of Shriners’ Hospital for Children Tampa who help to interact with parents and the young patients and perform all manner of behind-the-scenes tasks;
  • 7-year-old Andi Menaul (age is typo – probably supposed to be 17), (Scientologist working with CCHR, Scientology’s anti-psychiatry front group – info herehere and here) who has not only been volunteering every week for the past four years but has created her own youth group teaching thousands about the dangers of prescription drugs;
  • 19-year old Humberto Perez, an architectural student volunteers relentlessly tutoring neighborhood children and helping in the community;
  • David Albritton: chair, and member of many local boards who has been working to help Clearwater’s neighborhoods and its downtown; and
  • Brigadier General Carrie Nero, the first African American female brigadier general who is now retired but continues to help veterans and youth day in and out.

So out of 15 awards 10 went to Scientologists or Scientology front groups. Yeah nothing at all self serving or disingenuous about that.

FLAG Releases Revolutionary New Rundown

The Scientology Big Being Rundown

FLAG – the mecca of technical misdirection and vulture-culture regging – is proud to announce the availability of a brand new FLAG-only rundown – The Big Being Rundown. This incredibly powerful Scientology rundown utilizes tech far more advanced than even the hallowed OT levels or L rundowns. Yet it can be run at any point on the bridge – from purif completion to OT VIII. It precisely handles the one aberration that keeps any thetan from becoming a “big being” that can fully exert his 1,000,000 mega-watt OT power!

This life-changing rundown contains a single singularly powerful OT-grade process created by our most senior technical terminal – Mr. David Miscavige, Captain of the Sea Org and Chairman of the Board RTC. The process consists of running the command “Donate $10,000 to the IAS” repetitively to end phenomena. The product of this amazing rundown is a pc who has flowed enough money (as determined by the C/S) to become a “big being” that can now join the ranks of other mega-powered “big beings” such as COB and Tom Cruise*.

Rave reviews continue to pour in:

Man this rundown is the freaking bomb-diggety as the hip youngsters say! After running 120 commands I finally EP’d and achieved this wondrous state. My space has expanded, my dynamics are expanding like never before and I’m no longer terrified of clowns. Thanks to COB for this life-changing tech! B.C.

This rundown has completely changed my life! Prior to this auditing my social life consisted of boring get-togethers with Class V org staff and the like. Now I’m hobnobbing with the pillars of high society and A-list celebs like Kirstie Alley and that guy who does org events and the unfunny commercials – oh yeah, Jim Meskimen! I totally duplicate COB’s viewpoint 100% now about how one must never associate with inferiors as they bring you downscale! J.M.

I am so blown out of my head! I’m literally so exterior that I’m controlling my body from another galaxy! And the really cool part is all of the other big beings are there too. We’re all just chilling in the theta universe with no degraded beings around to tarnish our theta luster. It’s awesome being one of the truly elite! K.P.

Take note that some people have falsely claimed to be “natural” big beings. Senior technical terminals have determined beyond any doubt that COB, Tom Cruise and LRH are the only thetans on this planet to fit this description.

This incredible technical breakthrough truly brings world clearing within reach in our lifetime! Call your FLAG rep and get scheduled today!

*Joining ranks of COB and Tom Cruise only occurs once per year when they’re slumming with downstat riff-raff on the Failwinds during Tom’s birthday.