Tag Archives: Marty Rathbun

Church of Scientology Celebrates Banned Books Week

book burning

Scientologists Celebrating Banned Books Week at an Ideal Org Book Burning!

In honor of Banned Books Week (Sept. 21-27) the Church of Scientology has issued its current list of books that it has forbidden all Scientologists to read. Scientology spokesclam Karin Kapow explains:

“Banned Books Week is a wonderful yearly event that celebrates the right of ethical people to forbid the reading of vulgar and dangerous books that can threaten one’s eternity and sanity. All too often these days young minds are being poisoned by psych-created drivel like The Secret, The Power of Positive Thinking and The Power of Now. People must be protected from false data and entheta lest they become PTS and ‘goof the floof’ for all eternity.”

“In celebration of this wonderful week-long event we have compiled the following list of books that no Scientologist may ever read under penalty of expulsion from the Scientology religion. All were written by either bitter defrocked, lying doodoo-head apostates or slimy tabloid reporters guilty of sickening sex crimes and other depraved acts.”

The Unbreakable Miss Lovely by Tony Ortega – Long-time anti-Scientologist and tabloid journalist Tony Ortega has concocted a far-fetched and completely devoid of truth tale of another disgraced “journalist” supposedly being harassed by the completely benevolent and beloved worldwide Church of Scientology.

In truth Paulette Cooper was a Nazi spy working on behalf of German war criminals who sought to destroy L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology while stealing his priceless nuclear research! She was even known to fly to Mars to cavort with Fifth Invader Fleet officers! Following the orders of her suppressive friends she wrote a scandalous piece of trash entitled The Scandal of Scientology that was packed to the hilt with lies and dared to defame the beloved founder of Scientology and greatest friend mankind has ever known! Following its publication she fabricated stories of church operative being out to get her and drive her mad. The factual data is that the church’s only interactions with Ms. Cooper were to surround her with friends that tried to get her into an org so she could clear her misunderstood words and do clay demos of her misdeeds.

And for his part Mr. Ortega has been exposed as an operative working on the behalf of the Illuminati and the Marcab Confederacy! Avoid this vile book at all costs except to burn it on sight!

Blown For Good by Mark Headley – Mr. Headley claims to have worked closely with Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige but in actuality he was a low-level video editor who was fired from Gold for using church resources to produce extremely explicit midget porn. COB wept for days when this book was released, so venomous were its lies and false characterizations of him.

What is Wrong With Scientology by Marty “Ratface Fink” Rathbun – Mr. Rathbun claims to have been a high ranking official in the Church of Scientology but in actuality never rose higher in rank than Sanitation and Janitorial I/C in the Sea Org. He has also falsely claimed to have been Tom Cruise’s auditor. In actual fact Mr. Cruise has the privilege of having only ever been audited by the finest auditor on the planet, Class XVII auditor Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige.

Abuse at the Top by Amy Scobie – Another collection of lies written by someone falsely claiming to have been a former high ranking official in the Church of Scientology. COB has never beat his staff let alone any of his workers!

Counterfeit Dreams by Jefferson Hawkins – Mr. Hawkins claims a long history of working for the Church of Scientology and even has the audacity of claiming to have created the highly successful Dianetics television campaign in the 1980’s. This campaign was in fact conceived and fully executed by Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige who factually had no help from his incompetent CICS staff!

Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape by Jenna Miscavige Hill – This book is so full of bald-faced lies that we don’t know where to begin. Ms. Hill claims to be Mr. Miscavige’s niece but her story is belied by the fact that Mr. Miscavige is an orphan who was adopted by L. Ron Hubbard. The family photos in the book are all photoshopped fakes.

Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright – Mr. Wright claims to be a journalist but in actuality his only job before hashing together this repulsive collection of half-truths and false allegations from bitter defrocked apostates was as a writer of pulp pornography such as “Doggie Style Duchesses With Dildos” and “Cock Gobbling Coochies.”

Inside Scientology: The Story of America’s Most Secretive Religion by Janet Reitman – Yet another collection of fabrications and fantasy from a so-called reporter who until recently was actually a crack smoking prostitute working on Hollywood Blvd.

The Church of Fear: Inside The Weird World of Scientology by John Sweeney – A delusional fantasy from the UK tabloid reporter infamous for screaming at kind-hearted and beloved Scientology spokesperson Tommy Davis. Mr. Sweeney’s pack of lies is to be avoided at all costs!

Let’s Sell These People A Piece of Blue Sky: Hubbard, Dianetics and Scientology by Jon Atack – Mr. Atack was recently declared a Plutonium Degratorious SP with Extreme Dishonors by COB himself. That’s all that really has to be said for this steaming pile of dung.

Bare-Faced Messiah : A Biography of L. Ron Hubbard by Russell Miller – The only true biography of LRH is the L. Ron Hubbard Complete Biographical Encyclopedia (available for $800 from Bridge Publications or $30-40 on eBay). It was compiled by the Church of Scientology so you know it’s 100% factual and accurate. Mr. Miller’s book is nothing but balderdash and poppycock.

If you are a Scientologist who has made the grave error of reading one of these forbidden books your only recourse is to pull out your credit cards and immediately move up in IAS and Ideal Org status. Your eternity depends on it!!!

Note: This post was updated on Sept 1, 2015 to include Tony Ortega’s venomous anti-Scientology trash.

COB Heroically Rescues Imprisoned Scientology Executives

Scientology office prisonThe Church of Scientology is overjoyed to announce that its beloved ecclesiastical leader Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige has found and rescued the church’s top executives who mysteriously went missing several years ago! Church spokesgoon and international director of propaganda Karin Kapouw offered the following details of this incredible story.

“After several years of holding International Management meetings and having Scientology execs not show up COB had grown increasingly concerned. As a matter of fact Mr. Miscavige had been worried sick thinking his beloved junior executives had been kidnapped by the fifth invader fleet or spirited away from the Int Base by U.S. government psychs!”

“Weary of the big not-know mystery sandwich with which he was faced, COB bravely decided to scour every corner of the base in order to get to the bottom of this mystery once and for all. Knowing that SPs literally lurk around every corner he armed himself with his favorite Uzi and summoned his trusty beagle Jelly. Whereupon he set out upon his journey going from building to building in a full-on investigation. When he approached a ramshackle trailer our brave ecclesiastical leader could not have foreseen the horror that awaited within its walls…”

David Miscavige

Chairman of the Board RTC – Hero and Savior of Lost Executives

“Upon prying open the sealed door COB discovered his beloved execs living in absolute squalor. They had been living in triple digit temperatures and subsisting on a meager diet of feces, rats and dirty rainwater for years. After freeing them from their hellish office prison the truth slowly emerged.  The execs had been imprisoned by that dastardly duo Marty Rathbun and Mike Rinder in a veritable prison they had nicknamed “The Hole” right before they blew staff and were declared SP. COB had absolutely no knowledge of this and was literally flabbergasted! He vowed to use every fair game tactic in the book against Marty and Mike in order to punish their treasonous act and to avenge the suffering of his faithful friends. That night COB treated his long-lost colleagues to a feast of leftover rice and beans before ordering them to undergo extensive sec checks to find out why they pulled this in.”

“Overjoyed at their rescue, the subsequent marvelous feast and at the possibility of receiving much needed interrogations to find their crimes the freed executives heaped praise upon their beloved leader and brave rescuer. Comments such as these could be heard above the laughter and joyous weeping.”

“Our leader has set us free and no matter how we rocket the stats we can never repay our debt to him!”

“We love you Chairman of the Board RTC and Captain of the Sea Org Mr. David Miscavige!”

“Thankfully our leader is exceptionally trim and fit. Old Tubby Hubbard would have passed out at the 3rd building he checked.”

“Praise be to COB, our gentle and loving master who took pity upon us. He is truly the leader of leaders and a theta angel of light!”

Ever humble, COB explained his heroic actions thusly, “Inasmuch as I care not for shameless boasting and macho bravado I cannot in good conscience deny that my liberation of upper Scientology management from “The Hole” is truly as significant an event as when U.S. forces liberated Jews from the concentration camps run by the German psychs and Marcabians.”

An international event will be held in  June to commemorate this joyous day and COB reminds all Scientologists that the best way to celebrate is to move up in IAS and Ideal Org status!