Tag Archives: touch assist

Church of Scientology Sending VMs To Fight Ebola In Africa

Scientology Assist Curing Ebola

A Scientology minister cures a man of Ebola by running out the Ebola engram with a touch assist!

The Church of Scientology announced today that it has dispatched an elite team of highly trained volunteer ministers to help fight the recent Ebola outbreak in Africa. Scientology spokesbot Karin Kapow provided the following details about this important humanitarian mission:

“When we learned that President Obama was planning to send U.S. military personnel to Africa to help fight Ebola we knew we had to leap into action. With all due respect to the president and our wonderful military this is really a job for Scientology as only a Scientologist has the tools to help out at the scene of a accident or a virulent plague outbreak. Moreover as our VMs are armed with LRH’s miraculous PTS tech they are immune to the deadly virus and need not fear contracting it. Africans can rejoice as we are on the way with our magic touch assists and body comm processes which are proven to “run out” the Ebola engram!”

“Our leader and top technical terminal Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige recently made the amazing discovery that the Ebola virus is in fact triggered by a whole-track implant created by who else – psychiatrists! With this knowledge we can now use Scientology tech to eradicate this terrible psych-created disease.”

“Naturally this endeavor will require much in the way of monetary wherewithal so all Scientologists are asked to dig deep and move up in IAS status immediately. Just the cost of the new cameras and phones needed to take selfies and publicity shots is astronomical, let alone the first class airfare and shipping costs for our yellow tents! Moreover once the plague is defeated and we receive an “all-clear” we will be building 100 new ideal orgs spreading all over the African continent! These will be funded by strip mining areas where our VMs have taken control for jewels and precious metals to use in Scientology jewelry.”

“Once we have built our army of ideal orgs across the African continent all Africans are invited to do the new Golden Age of Tech 2 purification rundown which is proven to flush out any remaining Ebola toxins!”