The Church of Scientology, once again living up to its reputation as the only humanitarian organization in the world that offers real help to those in need, has announced that it will be donating yellow volunteer minister t-shirts to assist the victims of the terrible earthquake Nepal recently suffered. Church spokesperson Karin Kapow elaborates with the following details.
“While other so-called ‘humanitarian’ organizations are offering their typical wog and psych-based solutions to what is needed and wanted in Nepal, we recognize that the most important thing to survivors of this disaster is to have a bright and cheery shirt to wear while digging out bodies from rubble and such. Food and water mean little when one is not in an uplifted ‘theta’ mood. Our bright yellow shirts are infused with theta thanks to the happy children who lovingly make them 18 hours per day, 7 days a week in Sea Org work camps.”
“All we ask is that recipients take group photos of themselves wearing our high quality shirts and email them to firstname.lastname@example.org where we will use them in internal events and press releases. Recipients will also be kindly added to our informative mailing lists since they will now be considered instant-hatted Scientology volunteer ministers!”
“As you can see every person wearing one of these comforting shirts can’t help but smile. Our cheery shirts will have the Nepalese forgetting about deceased relatives and friends in no time!”
“Scientologists are urged to donate as much as they can to help with this important
PR opportunity relief effort. Each shirt is made of the finest quality materials and at a cost of only $24.95 per shirt they are truly a bargain. As a special bonus Scientologists that donate for 1000 or more shirts will receive a special limited edition commendation featuring the likeness of our beloved leader, Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige!”