Scientology Media Productions Announces Upcoming Programming!

satellite-dish

Scientology Media Productions is proud to announce its exciting upcoming programming lineup! As you know  we have been fundraising for this facility for quite some time and thanks to our generous donors we now have our multimillion dollar state-of-the-art satellite dish! This will enable us to broadcast to the billions right here from beautiful downtown Burbank!

And in commemoration of this momentous event we are also thrilled to announce that we will be rebranding Scientology Media Productions as Scientology Media Enhancing Reality thru Services & Hatting (or SMERSH for short). And now without further ado here are some of the exciting theta shows you’ll be able to watch soon.

  • Cosmology –  Learn the TRUE data about the origins of our universe – such as how Earth was populated by the Marcabians and how the Fifth Invader Fleet still threatens us today. Neil deGrasse Tyson and the producers of Cosmos are frauds as they ignored the vast contributions LRH made to the field of astrophysics and exploring our time track.
  • Incognito Boss – COB visits failing Class V orgs in disguise and beats up under-performing CICS staff members.
  • Tom Cruise’s Next Bride – Hosted by none other than Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige! Tom Cruise is lonely and once again only his pals from the Church of Scientology can help him find a new gal. And they’ve got their work cut out for them because not only must she be knockout gorgeous, she has to also be free of all body thetans and counter-intention. But not to worry, Tom’s best buddy COB RTC Mr. David “Slappy” Miscavige is on the job!
  • Freedom Magazine – All of your favorite news stories from the hard-hitting journalists at Freedom Magazine including:
    • Who is Marty Rathbun and How He Caused The Holocaust!
    • Alex Gibney – Documentary Producer or Marcabian Assassin?
    • Chemtrails – Harmless Condensation or Evil Psych Plot?
  • Celebrity Confessionals – Direct from COB’s vast video vault the most lurid misdeeds of your favorite Scientology celebrities! Guaranteed to be spicy!
  • Real Housewives of Int Base – You saw them on Anderson Cooper and now you’ll get an inside look at the glamorous lives of these royal ladies of Scientology’s international headquarters!
  • RPF Rascals – Kids in Scientology’s cadet org getting into all sorts of hilarious hijinks! But that pesky ethics officer is always watching!
  • YSCOHB: Scientology After Dark – Scientology’s hottest staff members doing what they do best after hours – you’ve never seen dissem drills or touch assists like this before!
  • Breaking News from COB Central. Programming will consist of ideal org expansion news, COB’s breakthrough accomplishments, and other such exciting news programming.
  • Ideal Org Events – Exclusive videos of all ideal org events which per surveys are the finest entertainment that can be experienced!
  • Dianetics infomercial broadcast 12 hours per day!
  • Top Gun broadcast every day!

So donate everything you can in our latest round of fundraising (so we can buy the millions of dollars of cabling to hook to our satellite dish) and get ready for the most theta TV you’ve ever seen!

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