Church of Scientology Announces Major Change To Ideal Org Strategy

Future Scientology Ideal Flophouse

Future Scientology Ideal Flophouse

The Church of Scientology announced a major change today to its roaringly successful Ideal Org program. Scientology spokesfibber and propaganda specialist Karin Kapow provided the following statement to the press:

“As a result of numerous recent bankruptcies and the resultant widespread homelessness among Ideal Org and IAS supporters Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige felt compelled to step in and find a compassionate solution for the downstat CICS among his flock.”

Ideal Flophouse apartment

A luxurious Ideal Flophouse apartment glistening with theta!

“All Ideal Org buildings will be converted to Ideal Flophouses so destitute Scientologists have an economical place in which to live and get their ethics in for letting down COB by not making it go right and going broke. Now take note, these are not rent-free poorhouses as we despise those who live “on the dole.” All Scientologists partaking of COB’s magnanimous generosity will be required to pay a reasonable fee for monthly rent – after all these are His buildings paid for with His funds! Moreover they will also be required to keep the buildings clean enough to pass weekly white glove inspections which will be conducted by Sea Org personnel.”

“And for those wondering about the wisdom of this move in light of the original stated purpose for these orgs COB has dictated that all public (existing and yet to discover Scientology) will be serviced by the recently reorganized LA Org!”

“Rest assured that LA Org, in the capable hands of its new crack Sea Org command team, is completely ready to service the 10s and perhaps 100s of new public that were going to be flooding into the new Ideal Orgs! Scientology’s 47x expansion will continue unabated!”

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