OT Phenomena – July 2014 Edition

Wild tales from deluded saps on the other side of OT

An SP vanquished

I was walking down the street the other day when I encountered a homeless woman who was ranting loudly. By virtue of my newfound OT abilities I could readily perceive that she was obviously stuck in an electronic incident. She was greatly enturbulating the people around her and causing much distress. When nobody was looking I pushed her in front of a bus. No more entheta! – W.M.

Got the money

As an OT IAS reg I know that I am on the frontlines of the fight against global suppression and 4th dynamic bank. Recently I was late for a meeting with a wealthy Scientologist and faithful IAS member that was close to dropping his body. My senior had instructed me that it was command intention from COB himself that we get him to put the IAS in his will. However Los Angeles traffic was not complying and I was perilously close to missing this slim window of fundraising opportunity. Suddenly in a flash of OT brilliance I realized that I simply needed to disagree with the mest universe and wog laws. Driving on the sidewalk would allow me to bypass the dev-t traffic! This resulted in me mowing down a few wogs but as they all looked homeless they’re better off dead anyway. After all – I merely exteriorized them and now they are free to find a better game to play instead of smelling badly and accosting upstat people for coins.

I’m happy to report that I got to the hospital just before the IAS member ended cycle on his life! His wife and children objected to his changing his will but they were no match for my tone-40 OT intention. As a result the IAS got millions of much needed dollars and his CI family got nothing. Now that is an OT win of enormous magnitude! – D.S.

Magic water

While dining in a fine restaurant the other night I took a drink from my glass which left it empty. Like magic, within 5 minutes the waitress appeared and asked if I’d like a fresh drink. It’s so awesome being OT! – D.L

COB’s “nature” film saved

As a film director at Gold my job entails many things. One of these is producing a very peculiar form of “nature documentary” for COB. Without getting into too many details it involves lemurs, a Tom Cruise lookalike ( Laurisse “Lou” Stuckenbrock happily “volunteers”), electrified goldenrods  and several 5 gallon pails of petroleum jelly.

I was running into difficulties with our latest production since the lemurs were mistakenly slaughtered and fed to RPF prisoners participants.  Thankfully I remembered that Kirstie Alley’s home was overrun with the filthy vermin. I put out an OT intention and Kirstie called me immediately since she has nothing better to do these days other than working on another poorly written sitcom. She promised to bring me some new lemurs as soon as she finished her hamburger. However since it was made from an entire cow this was going to take some time so I decided to rush to her house instead. She graciously took a break from her 800 lb. burger and helped me choose several of her sexiest lemurs. Afterward I rushed back to Gold, got Lou lubed up, powered up the copper goldenrods and unleashed the lemurs for some theta filmmaking. I was told that COB was “straight up and vertical” with excitement at the results! – V.M.

One response to “OT Phenomena – July 2014 Edition

  1. I am laughing my ecclesiastical ass off!!!!!

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