Church of Scientology Launches Anti-Bullying Campaign

BullynonUnder the direct guidance of its ecclesiastical leader David Miscavige, the Church of Scientology announced today that it has launched a new social betterment campaign to combat the growing problem of bullying in schools and in the workplace. Joining the ranks of Narconon and Criminon, Bullynon was created at the behest of Chairman of the Board RTC, Mr. David Miscavige who was greatly distressed to learn of the growing problem of violence in schools and businesses due to bullying.

Church spokesperson Karin Kapouw provided the press with the following details.

Chairman of the Board RTC  Mr. David Miscavige, the benevolent and universally beloved leader of Scientology, is a gentle soul who detests physical or emotional abuse in any form. Upon discovering how pervasive bullying was becoming on a planetary scale he became determined to find a way to exploit it for fundraising quell this growing problem.

Within weeks a pilot program was launched that proved to be so effective that bullies literally cut off their own hands to stop themselves from hitting other children and cut out their own tongues to avoid saying mean things!

Now with the help of the IAS the Church of Scientology is ready to spread this social betterment campaign around the world. All Scientologists are encouraged to move up in IAS status immediately in order to fund this important initiative!

As the Church of Scientology is mankind’s only hope of eradicating psychiatry and protecting against a Fifth Invader Fleet invasion it is exempt from this anti-bullying campaign. We need tough beings who can get the job done and that occasionally involves a good old fashioned face ripping or shoving of heads in toilets. If we were to ban such behavior it would likely weaken Scientology to the point that it could be taken over by theetie-weetie little pie-faced pussies that suck cocks on Hollywood Blvd! Our mission is much too important to let this happen.

The Church of Scientology is the world’s fastest growing religion, largely owing to the fact that the church counts anyone having seen a promotional video or a search engine ad as a full-fledged member. The church recently added 4 billion members with its widely seen Super Bowl commercial and with a flood of public purchasing GAT 2 services and materials it is also the world’s 3rd most profitable corporation. With new churches opening every 5 minutes and a forthcoming ideal org on the moon  Scientology’s growth is truly unprecedented. To learn more about this vital and fast-growing world religion visit the church’s official video channel: Surviving Scientology

One response to “Church of Scientology Launches Anti-Bullying Campaign

  1. What about a similar campaign to stamp out the scourge of folk-dancing? It could be called “Heynonnynonon”. Excessive devotion to late-1970’s TV comedy show Mork and Mindy might also be profitably extirpated via “Nanunanunon”.

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