Church of Scientology Releases Ideal Org Hymn Collection

Reverend David MiscavigeRTC, through the gracious ecclesiastical oversight and guidance of Chairman of the Board RTC and Captain of the Sea Org Reverend David Miscavige,  has approved the following Scientology hymns as appropriate to sing at Sunday Services in all Ideal Churches of Scientology.

These hymns comprise the new Ideal Org Hymn Collection which can be purchased for only $499.99.

  • How Great Art COB
  • Where Would We Be Without COB
  • What Child Is This (The Triumphant Return of LRH)
  • Thou Who Showers Us With Golden Rain
  • Our God is a Short and Merciless God
  • Throw Your Troubles in The Hole
  • Trust And Obey COB
  • There is a Balm in Clearwater
  • What a Friend We Have in COB
  • Oh Lord Anoint Me on the Oiliness Table
  • When We All Get to Target Two
  • We Believe in One True Tech
  • Close My Eyes, That I May Know (The OT-TR0 Song)
  • Onward Sea Org Soldiers
  • COB Shall Lead Us To Target Two
  • The Old Rugged R6 Implant
  • There Is a Table Filled with Oils
  • This Is the Day LRH Hath Made
  • We’ll Understand It Better By and By as We Clear Our Savior’s Words

Parishioners at non-ideal orgs are not permitted to sing hymns from the Ideal Org Hymn Collection but instead are limited to the following hymns:

  • Oh Wretched Are We That Have So Miserably Failed Our Lord and Savior
  • Oh Woe Be We Who Suck Cocks On Hollywood Boulevard
  • I Will Be Redeemed In The RPF
  • Why Must We Always Fail COB
  • We Are CICS* In COB’s Saintly Eyes
  • A Feast of Beans and Rice

The Church of Scientology is the world’s fastest growing religion and millions of new people show up for our Sunday Services each week. Glowing comments such as these are the order of the day:

I’m not a Scientologist but I thoroughly enjoyed this theta and unenturbulating service. My space is so calm and I shall be joining your fine organization this very day!

I very much enjoyed the sermon and hymns. The passing of a collection plate with a credit card reader was a bit odd though…

What a unique Sunday Service you have! The reading of “confidential” parishioner confessionals was the high point – so enlightening and entertaining!

All are invited to join us each week for an informative LRH or COB sermon, the reading of the week’s most entertaining parishioner confessions and the singing of sacred hymns.

* CICS = Counter-intentioned cocksuckers ( a phrase often used by Scientology’s “ecclesiastical leader“).


4 responses to “Church of Scientology Releases Ideal Org Hymn Collection

  1. LMAO! Best post yet!!
    “Thou Who Showers Us With Golden Rain” is a remake of Reverend Doctor COBs previous hit “Tom Cruise Rained on me a Golden Shower”

  2. And from Reverend Doctor COBs “Wog Christmas” Collection,

    Hark, the Suppressive Squirrels They Scream!

  3. You forgot to mention that uplifting hymn “Amazing Dave How Sweet Thou Art”

  4. For Lent, there is always, “If Thou But Suffer COB to Guide Thee” (in three verses):

    1. If thou but suffer COB to guide thee, and hope in COB through all thy ways, COB will give strength, whate’er betide thee, and bear thee through His evil ways. Who trusts in COB’s unchanging love builds on the rock that naught can move.

    2. Only be still, and wait COB’s leisure in cheerful hope, with heart content to take whate’er COB’s pleasure and all discerning love hath sent; we know His inmost wants are known, for we are called to be COB’s own.

    3. Sing, pray, and keep COB’s ways unswerving; so do thine part faithfully, and trust COB’s word; though undeserving, thou yet shalt find it true for thee. COB never yet forsook at need the soul that trusted COB indeed.

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