Church of Scientology Institutes New Rules For Org Visitors

scientology-warning-signDue to the recent proliferation of joking and degrading SPs touring our beautiful ideal orgs only to publicly document that they contain no public and are out of toilet paper Chairman of the Board RTC has instituted new rules for how orgs handle visitors and tours. These rules are to be followed without exception and by order of COB suppressive declares will be issued for all non-compliant staff members – no exceptions!

  • No walk-ins allowed. All visits must be scheduled in advance and in complete coordination with OSA. Anyone requesting to enter an ideal org for a visit or tour must file a detailed 12 page application which includes faxing a copy of their government-issued photo ID, social security card, credit report and birth certificate. Once an application is approved and all accompanying documentation is verified by OSA the person may schedule a visit.
  • As the exact location of all Scientology ideal orgs must now be kept top-secret a staff member (typically a div-6er) will be sent to pick up all appointments. Visitors must ride in the trunk so they cannot see where they are being driven. Complimentary saltine crackers and bottled water will be provided for the ride.
  • All tours begin with a complimentary (meaning mandatory!) sec-check.
  • No cameras or recording devices of any kind are allowed in the org.
  • As eyes are considered optical recording devices all visitors must wear a black hood so they cannot see the interiors of our beautiful ideal orgs.
  • People touring the org may not talk or listen to anyone except the tour operator. Conversations between visitors could contain joking, degrading or eternity-threatening entheta! Additionally all questions to the tour guide must come from our pre-approved list. Some examples:
    • Why is Scientology the only religion which offers true salvation?
    • Is it true that your beloved leader Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige is an expert in every field?
    • I heard that Colombia is now crime-free thanks to Scientology. Will you tell us why your humanitarian campaigns are so effective and praised by millions?
  • Every night the entire org will move to an undisclosed location for the purpose of keeping the tech safe from SPs. RTC has received credible threats from psych terrorist groups so this is absolutely necessary in order to safeguard the eternity of our parishioners. Needless to say this will necessitate a new round of fundraising to buy dozens of new buildings for each existing ideal org.
  • All orgs must now be surrounded by a moat. The moat must be at least 50 feet deep and is to be filled with alligators, piranha and water moccasins. These can be ordered from OSA Int. and free food can be obtained by putting up signs welcoming the homeless.
  • As COB considers non-ideal orgs to be downstat shitholes they are forbidden from allowing any visitors at all. Staff members at these orgs must sit in the dark and contemplate why they became degraded CICS SPs who are trying to stop COB’s plans for expansion.
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One response to “Church of Scientology Institutes New Rules For Org Visitors

  1. Are they eating the toilet paper instead of the usual rice and beans?

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