Major Scientology Technical Breakthrough – The One-Shot Clear!

recent clears

Recent one-shot clears ecstatic at their newly purchased state of being.

The Church of Scientology is overjoyed to announce a major technical breakthrough which completely changes the game for planetary clearing. The “one-shot clear”, long sought by L. Ron Hubbard, is now a reality!

LRH dreamed for many years of discovering a method to produce “one-shot clears” but unfortunately was never able to develop a process that would enable the instantaneous attainment of this wondrous state. However our beloved leader Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige would not be deterred by Caribbean rum nor “pinks and greys” and as a result of his steadfast dedication and technical brilliance this problem has been solved once and for all!


COB RTC, Senior Scientology technical terminal, and occasional Popeye impersonator Mr. David Miscavige

Through exhaustive research Mr. Miscavige found that by donating money and moving up in sufficient status one can blow the mass which comprises the reactive bank. The exact mechanism involved is the cause and effect relationship which exists between two comparably sized masses in our two terminal universe. Thus by shifting enough mass (money, stocks, real estate, etc) to ideal org and IAS campaigns one subsequently “realizes he has been unknowingly mocking up his reactive mind all along and ceases doing so thereafter” which is of course the Clear Cognition (oops… we forgot to say spoiler alert first – our bad).

Thanks to the capable guidance of our ecclesiastical leader Chairman of the Board RTC, LRH’s vision has finally been fully realized and world clearing is now within reach in our lifetime. This represents a stellar achievement in the history of our money-making scam religion and we invite all to go into their closest ideal org with cash and credit cards in hand to purchase their instant rocket-ride to the miraculous state of Clear!

COB visits the Duggan family

The Duggan family recently purchased the state of one-shot clear and were blessed by a visit from Chairman of the Board RTC Mr. David Miscavige!


2 responses to “Major Scientology Technical Breakthrough – The One-Shot Clear!

  1. Awww…COB is sooooo cute!!

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