Ask COB – Apr 7 2014

David MiscavigeJoin us here each week as COB takes a few minutes out of his incredibly hectic schedule (which typically consists of handling all of the Hill 10 flapping flaps his juniors created because they’re a bunch of incompetent c**ksucking DBs) to answer your questions about life, business and your bridge progress. To submit a question to his most holy and ecclesiastical sourciness please leave a comment below or tweet it to @Scientology_411.

Dear COB: My 2 young children are getting in the way of my study time and fundraising work for ideal orgs and the IAS. What should I do sir?

Sign the little brats up for the Sea Org. After all nothing is more important in your life right now than Scientology fundraising activities. In fact you should also make sure that your study time doesn’t take away from the time you devote to raising money for the IAS and our ideal org program. Remember that Scientology is 5% training, 5% processing and 90% fundraising!

Dear COB: I recently donated $1,000,000 to the IAS and immediately afterward I felt completely blown out and went exterior. Is this normal sir?

Yes it is! Giving money to me Scientology is demonstrably as therapeutic as auditing. Recent research has actually revealed that flowing money to the IAS or ideal orgs as-ises case – with the amount of case as-ised being in direct proportion to the amount of money given. Moving up in IAS status is definitely the fastest route to full OT!

Dear COB: I keep hearing a rumor that you never finished your Class IV internship due to incompetence and gross misconduct. Is this true sir?

That is an enemy line and if you ever repeat it I’ll make sure you’re instantly declared suppressive and thrown into the RPF’s RPF!!! I’ll have you know I was personally trained by LRH and that I am a permanent Class XV auditor and C/S! Only a Class XV is able to audit and C/S OT IX-XV (which will be released when we have sufficient real estate to finance my lavish lifestyle clear the planet).

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