The Miscavige Professional Ass Hat Course

In the Church of Scientology the idea of hats is rather important. Per LRH a hat is defined thusly:

1. On a train, a locomotive engineer and a conductor each wears a different kind of hat. You will notice that various jobs in the society are designated by different hats. From this we get the word hat as a slang term meaning one’s specialized duties. This is one’s hat.

2. The duties of a post. It comes from the fact that jobs are often distinguished by a type of hat as fireman, policeman, conductor, etc. Hence the term hat.

3. A hat is a specialty.

And in today’s Church of Scientology there is no hat more valuable to wear than the ass hat. It is truly the mark of a professional corporate Scientologist. And it is for this reason the Church of Scientology is proud to announce the brand new Miscavige Professional Ass Hat Course!

In this powerful course you will learn priceless knowledge like:

  • How to effectively scream phrases that cause critics to immediately cave in such as “Have you raped a baby?!?”
  • The Scientology tech of downvoting – This powerful tech shatters SPs that post hateful entheta and anti-Scientology propaganda on criminal sites like The Underground Bunker.
  • Key LRH strategies from “Operation Freakout” and “Operation Snow White” that will enable you to crush scurrilous suppressives.
  • The tech of mailing child pornography to critics and then reporting them to police.
  • Personal tips from COB RTC himself on which brands of scotch help you wear your ass hat dauntlessly and defiantly.
  • How to poison critics’ pets without leaving any evidence behind.
  • Regging techniques exclusive to this course including drilling to flatten any backoff due to concern for the mark’s financial well-being or reservations about using guilt, threats, violence or blackmail.

Rave reviews from recent course completions:

My neighbor recently told me that he considered Scientology to be a dangerous cult. Knowing the tech from this course, I immediately stuck my fingers in my ears and repeatedly screamed “BABY RAPER, BABY RAPER, BABY RAPER!!!” at him. Later that night I set his cat on fire and shoved it though his kitty door. The house burned to the ground and the SP was forced to move. Now the neighborhood is entheta-free! E.B.

There was an SP in my city that was vocally critical of our religion. Using the tech of mailing child porn, I was able to get him locked up for 20 years. However I couldn’t find any online or at my local grocery so I molested a young child from my neighborhood (don’t worry – it was a wog of course!) while taking photos. But it was all for the greater good and the kid obviously “pulled it in” – plus I made a large IAS donation so everything is cool. Thank you COB!!! A.M.

As an IAS Freedom Medal of Valor winner I can tell you that the data on this course is priceless beyond measure. I mean, man…it’s like…phew…wow…KSW times 1000! T.C.

I recently led a team that mercilessly harassed a heretical squirrel in Texas that was threatening our religion by mocking COB and delivering the tech for free. I can attest that what I learned from this course proved to be invaluable for squirrel busting! J.A.

Some of the recent graduates of the New Miscavige Professional Ass Hat Course:

Kirstie Alley

Kirstie Alley recently completed the course and immediately put her new skills to work attacking Leah Remini.

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise did the pilot program at Int Base and was personally supervised by BFF Chairman of the Board RTC David Miscavige!

And the man without whom this powerful course would not be possible – the master of asshattery and biggest asshat of them all…

David Miscavige

Chairman of the Board RTC and Scientology Leader of Leaders Mr. David “Slappy” Miscavige.

Do The New Miscavige Professional Ass Hat Course At Your Local Org Today!

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4 responses to “The Miscavige Professional Ass Hat Course

  1. I’ve got fingers I qualify for the course where do I sign?

  2. Is this the new Finger Tech we’ve been hearing about?

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